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BIG BOX DO IT YOURSELF STORES-WELCOME TO HELL
CONDIMENT REVOLUTION
Grocery Store Nightmares
The Top Lies that Cheating Men Tell and the Women Who Believe Them
Job Idiots

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BIG BOX DO IT YOURSELF STORES-WELCOME TO HELL


BIG BOX DO IT YOURSELF STORES-WELCOME TO HELL

By Joyce Nanette Johnson

 

 

The “Do it Yourself” big box stores are marketed as your first easy stop in doing any easy upgrades to your house.  On the commercials, you see the associates dancing down the aisles, all grins and happiness or you see another one in a deeply engrossed conversation with a customer discussing in detail how to fix a specific issue, and then there’s always the camera shot of you easily finding the product on the shelf.

CONDIMENT REVOLUTION


At any fast food restaurant I am greeted over the intercom with a fake, cheery voice. I can ask about the specials even though the specials are tacked in large billboard letters all around. I am given the information delivered in happy tones.  I give them the order, they’re happy, I’m happy. I drive up to the window and come face to face with an even more fake cherry smile.  It’s a beautiful world.  It’s a beautiful world until I ask for extra condiments. The fake smile is replaced by a stony icy glare of contempt.

Grocery Store Nightmares


GROCERY STORE NIGHTMARES

 

There’s a lot that bugs me about going to the grocery store. Let’s start with your arrival at the zoo. At first glance it may look like a parking lot, but it’s a death challenge to the end. It’s becomes a drag race to see which car can twirl around to the other side of the parking lot to get the one empty space.  Then if you’re one of the sharks cruising for anyone coming out a space you run the risk of having a car back out over you or worse they see you sitting there and decide to not pull out but to put on a full face of makeup or have a three way conference call.

The Top Lies that Cheating Men Tell and the Women Who Believe Them


Cheating in the club, cheating on the job, cheating in the church, cheating in the park and cheating with the neighbor.  A bunch of butt wild ass cheating men.  But do you know the reason that these low life, swaggering, boastful men get away with it?  It’s because of bullshit lies they tell the “other woman” that she swallows like a child still clinging to the belief of Santa Claus is still coming to town. Well she’s either swallowing like a child or swallowing like a pro.  Enuf said.

Job Idiots

: Job idiosyncreaddicts
 
There are two types of personality traits displayed by my fellow workers that can drive me literally to drink; the cup washer and the never look you in the eye person that passes  you.
 
Let’s start with the dish washers with their plastic storage containers with last year’s permanent red spaghetti stain, ,travel mugs, coffee cups and their cutesy Pooh Bear cereal bowls.  If there’s a communal kitchenette as you’re trying just to dunk your cold coffee, rinse once and be on your way, there they are standing guard over the sink.

The Buffett is My Secret Lover


I love buffets. From the chicken wings piled up like golden jagged mountain edges, to the mounds of fresh salad which loses all of its nutritional value once I use the soup ladle to pour blue cheese over the thin layer of veggies topped with mounds of cheddar cheese. From the metal containers full of instant mashed potatoes that are accompanied by imitation brown gravy. It doesn’t matter to a true lover of buffets if it’s fake gravy because there are 10 types of bread to sop it up with.  It as close to heaven or having explicit sex in the open one can ever hope to achieve,

Chain Emails From Hell


EMAIL TRAIL AGONY

 

One would think that I’m a media mogul or at least a reality star the way I am connected to my email box. Forget about putting the cat out, bringing the dog in, brushing my teeth, soaking my partials, or other nightly rituals.  The last thing I check at night is my email box and it’s the first thing I do as  I limp  out of bed, before I  take my first arthritic pill ,is, you’ve guessed it, check my email box.  One can never be sure if someone in the middle of night had sent an important message that was of a national security status.

The Comical, Insane and Aha Moments of My Life


MARCH OF THE CODES

Codes, codes, codes.  The codes of my life have started an all out assault on my limited brain power.  As I started to input the first code of my checking account on-line, my memory retaliated against me.  Enough it screamed.  Enough.  Not another digit, not another buzzword, pet name, street name, coded abreviation would it accept.  The codes had obliterated all reason and my mind had revolted by becoming frozen-up like antiquated dial-up-service.  My mind was now in turmoil with all the different codes it has been exposed to.
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